2016 · 2016/01 · Vignette

Unsent Letter #3

Do you know what sucks?

Feeling like I’ve never been closer to someone than I am to you – knowing it will never be less than an ocean apart.

Wanting to tell you how much I hurt – holding back because I don’t want to burden you.

Giving all I have ever been and all I hope to be – being fully aware that it will never be enough.

Still continuing to go on, because the way you make me feel is the best and the worst at the same time – recognising that there are no winners, and I’m certainly the biggest looser of us all.

Hoping that one day, maybe, surely – knowing it would only be temporary, and probably hurt even more afterwards.

Letting go of pride, self-consciousness, dignity – all in the need to once tip that damn scale in my favour, at least in my head.

Putting so much faith in who you could be for me – blinding myself to the truth that what could be is a hypothetical, alternate world, not reality.

Desperately trying to be all you need – so much so that I silence my own needs.

I need you to be there for me too.

I need you to listen. To care. To open me up like you used to. To be present in some way. To be a little more sensitive to my side of the story.

 

I’m not sure I can be your friend.

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