Today I am prompted to consider what changes I have made or gone through in my life that relate to my family, or that relate to me being the family member of someone.
Well guess what. I don’t want to talk about it.
I have a half-brother who I saw twice in my life and a half-niece whose name I don’t even know.
I lost my father when I was 12, and my trust and faith and hope in this world and my family at the same time.
I learnt how true my mother’s favourite words are – depend on noone but yourself, as nobody will help you if you cannot help yourself.
A shut myself away because of real and imagined hurts at a time of great emotional distress to all, and I can’t see a way back. I’m not sure I would even take it if there was one.
I changed. For the better or the worse, hard to tell, and it depends on who you ask as well.
Family. An itchy topic. And I don’t want to dwell. Not today.
So I keep going, skype every now and then, but I can’t break down the walls I erected so many years ago. Every now and then I try to drill a hole between the bricks to allow a peek, but I often regret it. And I don’t like plastering.